A Gift Of Roses

Still angry with *Steve from the way he had treated me on Valentine’s Day and my birthday (see “Early Gifts From Me, Valentine’s Day And My Birthday“), he sent me a message asking me to get on Skype on March 29th 2011. I was thinking to myself that I sure as hell wasn’t going to call him after he made me pay for the call for him to wish me a happy birthday! I agreed to talk to him.

He was acting all pleased with himself, but I was not impressed with him at all. A fact he was well aware of. Anyway, he kept apologising for his previous behaviour and tried to make jokes to lighten the tension between us. I asked him why he was so happy and he replied “Because I love you. I can’t imagine life without you”. I told him  I was still so mad at him, and that I had to go as I needed to pop out for a bit. He said he’s done something for me and that I needed to stay in for it. I didn’t believe him and I simply didn’t care. We had another argument. Steve said he was just trying to make things right. Just so he would shut up, I agreed to to stay in for a couple more hours.

When nothing arrived, I messaged him to get back on Skype. I was fuming as I felt he was wasting my time – again. By the end of the conversation, he’d told me that I was impatient and that he’d ordered and was having roses delivered to me. Because I’d been let down by him so many times, and knew he was a taker not a giver, I didn’t believe him. However, as frustrated as I was, I agreed to wait. It ended up being all day. Eventually the roses arrived. Still, I wasn’t happy. I just felt Steve should and could have treated me a lot better than he had – especially so early in the relationship. It was going to take more than a delivery of roses to put things right. I’m sure he was aware of that.

Surprisingly, Steve started to improve. Chocolates were sent. Random cards too, saying how much he loved me, and how much he wanted to be with me. I started to believe in him again.  Although I am well aware a relationship is not based on material things, it was nice to receive something even as simple as a card. It was nice to finally feel appreciated.

(*Not his real name)

Early Gifts From Me, Valentine’s Day And My Birthday

Two weeks after *Steve and I started dating, was his birthday – November 14th (2010). I didn’t know what to get him as by the time I’d found out, we’d been dating for a week, so I wasn’t sure what he would like. I decided to get and send him some designer underwear. The first of many. In fact Each time I went to see him, I brought him gifts, one of which was a genuine Armani scarf. Expensive. But I didn’t mind. I was never a mean person. I spent a lot on my ex-husband too, who had always treated my extremely well, lavishing me with meals in places like The Ivy, OXO, etc, not to mention all the Gucci bags with matching purses, perfumes, jewellery – everything! Then on top of all of this, during my visit to the US  to meet his family, he just stood there not once, but twice leaving me to pay for his entire wardrobe/closet. (See “Our First And Second Shopping Trip To The Mall Together“).Steve had said he would spend my birthday March 6th 2011 with me, in London. I had already agreed to try to make the relationship work, so I was delighted. Finally, my family and friends would be able to see he was not phantom boyfriend after all! I didn’t want to tell anyone about the engagement as I was unhappy with his behaviour back in December, so I wanted to take it slow.As time went on, February came. Steve began talking about my birthday. I felt uneasy… or was it a feeling that I knew he was going to let me down?Valentines Day. I thought, this time, I won’t be getting anything for him. Besides, personally, I think it’s a day where men should treat their women, not the other way round. The most I was expecting though, was a card. As the day went on, post came – nothing. All I could see and hear was what my female friends had gotten from their partners. I was happy for them, but sad for myself. I sent *Anna (Steve’s sister) a private message on Facebook that the flowers her husband had given her was beautiful. They truly were. I ended up telling her I won’t be on Facebook for the rest of the day, because I felt so disappointed with her brother. It was also the opportunity to let her know that I was paying for everything, but he couldn’t even make me feel appreciated by sending a card.

Shortly after Valentine’s Day, I received the news I suppose I’d been expecting… Steve was not going to be able to make it for my birthday. This was after I had already told my friends and family to expect him. I was more than disappointed. His excuse? He wasn’t allowed to travel as a civilian on his military passport, and tried to reassure me that he had used it before for that purpose. It was a newly introduced rule. Adding, that he was unable to apply for a civilian passport because the army had held onto his birth certificate. He had booked a month off of work, of which he was supposed to be spending over a week with me; the rest of the time he would spend with his father in the US. I was to spend my birthday alone. I told everyone that his job was like that, things would change last minute. I told them that because I felt so stupid. I was so upset.

My birthday was to fall on a Sunday, so the day before, on March 5th, I ran downstairs to see if post had arrived. There is no way he would let me down after he’d been going on about it for a month. Nothing. I thought, maybe the postman was doing his rounds late. After running up and down the stairs numerous times, I knew I wasn’t going to receive anything in time for my birthday. But I was still optimistic. I figured because it was coming all the way from the States, it would take a bit more time. I was sure I would receive something by the following Saturday.

Sunday, March 6th. My eldest sister came round and made me dinner. We had a chat and she went home. I received messages and some cards. A friend of mine came over to wish me a happy birthday personally. It was a quiet, but relaxing, chilled out day. London is five hours ahead of Tennessee, so I wasn’t expecting an early call from Steve. We both had Blackberry’s so we were able to BBM all the time without running up costs. The messages were free. He sent me a message asking me to call him. I was worried. He’d never asked me to call him before. Skype to Skype, yes, but not to call him on his mobile/cell. I called. I was not prepared for what happened next.

There was nothing wrong. He actually wished me a happy birthday and made me pay for the call for him to do so!

The call was short after I told him I thought something was wrong which is why I called. I was fuming. Not only had I not received even a card from him, but he made me pay for the call. I called his sister Anna and told her I was not happy. After explaining to her what had happened, she said she would feel the same way I did and that she was going to speak to him. She did and he told her that he had bought me a card, but had forgotten to send it. How was that possible when he wouldn’t stop talking about my birthday throughout the month of February? Nothing arrived the follow week and I realised he just didn’t care. Steve was selfish. Plain and simple. For two weeks afterwards, I tried to tell him how I felt, but he kept on saying he didn’t want to talk about it so why was I going on about it. By the end of the two weeks, I snapped. I’d had enough of him not appreciating me. We had one hell of an argument, whereby I refused to talk to him for a couple of days. I was that angry with him. It was during this argument I found out (but already had an inkling), that he hadn’t even got a card for me. He had lied to both his sister and I to cover his tracks.

(*Not his real name)

And So The Lies Begin

*Steve insisted we stay together and that our relationship would work long distance if we really wanted it to. I told him it wouldn’t because it was exhausting enough travelling to Germany. I stood firm. Besides, I was paying for everything and was sick of it. During one of our conversations he said he was no longer being relocated to the US, but was instead, staying in Germany. The excuse I was using to break up with him was shot to hell. He told me he was serious about marrying me, and I told him I didn’t want to get married again. He knew I was separated from my previous husband for a year when he and I started dating, and that I was going through a divorce. I told him from the start. My ex-husband and I were waiting for paperwork to be completed, and it was taking a long time – considering my ex-husband and I were still friends. (His mother was listed as the cause in our divorce because she was so interfering, the marriage broke down). He insisted we get married and I told him I would think about it.Time went on (still in January though), and he told me that plans had changed. He was indeed being relocated to Savannah, Georgia in the US in February. I told him again that we wouldn’t work because of the same reasons I had given earlier. A few days later, he told me they couldn’t make up their minds and that plans had changed once again; he was staying in Germany.I felt this time he was actually making an effort and he begged me to stay with him. After much persuasion, with him apologising to me and telling me he’s tense around his family because they’re all fake, they don’t get on especially with his mother – in fact he didn’t even like his mother – I gave him another chance and another, and another…

The beginning of February came. I received a BBM message from him to get on Skype. When I did, he told me he’d been given two weeks to pack up and relocate to Savannah, Georgia. He was going after all. I had already agreed to give him another chance. I couldn’t just take that away from him now, could I? During our conversation, I asked him how it would work. He said he would pay for two tickets a year for me to go see him as he desperately wanted us to be together. Because of the recent efforts he had been making, I decided to go with it. So just before he left Germany, I booked my flights on the Friday to leave for that same day. The last flight to Germany that day and would return on the Sunday. I wanted to know how I really felt around him one last time before travelling all the way to the US. I paid for my own flight and the hotel so I could find out. No doubt, he didn’t mind.

We actually had a lovely weekend. I really enjoyed it. I realised I was actually falling in love with him. Damn it. This stupid heart of mine! Steve and I didn’t argue. He bought me a small box of gorgeous German chocolates which we shared, and he actually paid for one of our sushi meals. When I reached for my purse, he told me to put it away because he was paying! As you can imagine, I was in shock. I knew deep down there was something not right with this picture. It was too perfect after we had had so many problems. I had a nagging feeling, but I wasn’t about to let it ruin this weekend.

I was to find out little over two years later in May 2013, that the nagging feeling I had was right. He had actually known from at least July 2010 that he would be relocating to the US in February 2011. I found a conversation between him and another woman stating this. Steve and I started talking September 25th and started dating October 29th 2010. He’d been lying all along. I will go into detail later on.

(*Not his real name)

The Excuse I Had Been Looking For

(I was featured in a T-Moblie Campaign appearing in newspapers, magazines and on London buses but I was nobody’s ATM!).

Towards the end of our trip, I was presented with an excellent excuse to break up with *Steve… he told me he was being transferred from Germany to Savannah, Georgia (US). Yes! Perfect timing. I explained to him that having a long distance relationship (UK and Germany) was draining enough. There is no way I would be able to cope with him in the US whilst I was in the UK. He begged me to stay but I had already made up my mind. The rest of the trip went as he planned; I continued to pay for the hotels, food, fuel and anything else that came.

We returned to Germany on December 30th. Again, he wiped out the mini-bar (no surprises there). New Years Eve came. After we had dinner in the hotel restaurant, I ordered a bottle of champagne from the bar and took it to our room. After all the travelling I was exhausted. Steve agreed that we should just relax in our room. We were in the room for no longer than an hour when he said he was bored. He wanted to order some food. I was thinking “really?”. So, I asked him if he was hungry. His reply was that he was not. I realised that because he had no intention of paying for anything, and it was my credit card details left at reception as usual, that he would run up a tab in my name. I told him he wasn’t ordering anything just for the sake of it, and that was that!

New Years Day. Thank God I was going home tomorrow. I’m not someone’s walking ATM! The day passed to evening. It was time for dinner. We both agreed we fancied sushi. Great! we both agreed on something. I was going to pop into the shower, so I asked him to call reception and ask them where the nearest restaurant was, regardless of it being sushi or not because I didn’t want to go too far. Besides, he claimed he could speak German when in fact he couldn’t. He’d been stationed there for three years but hadn’t picked up the language at all. It was really annoying – especially when he tried to talk to me knowing I didn’t even speak the language.

As I was getting dressed, I asked him what the receptionist had said. He said she had told him about going into town. I said it sounded far, wasn’t there somewhere closer? He said no there wasn’t. So, a taxi was arranged and we headed out. After a while, I noticed the ride was rather long and thought to myself “Damn, this is far!”. I had a hunch something was not quite right. There it was. I saw a sign showing the distance we had left to go. I turned to Steve and asked him whether or not I saw right. “Yes” was the reply. Straight away, I asked the driver to turn around and take us back to the hotel. I was furious to say the least. It was  €70.00+ fare one way! When we did pull up outside the hotel, I sat there waiting for Steve to pay the €38.00 taxi ride to nowhere, but he didn’t. He had no money on him. In fact none with him to include the hotel room. I paid and stormed up to our room. He followed and was apologising, but I knew they were fake apologies.

Once in the room and I had calmed down a bit, I called reception and asked the same question I had asked Steve to ask. In English. I was told to go to the airport where they had a variety of restaurants still open. Another taxi was arranged. We got to the airport and the ride cost €12.00. There certainly was a number of restaurants and it didn’t feel like an airport. We found a sushi restaurant. I realised it was better to do things myself than to ask him to do anything for me/us. We had our meal; he ordered extra sushi to go. I paid the bill. The taxi ride back to the hotel was €13.00. Of course, I paid for that too. He never offered to give me back the money he wasted. I was clock watching as I couldn’t wait to go home.

The next day couldn’t come fast enough. Thankfully, I had an early afternoon flight. By the time we got ready and packed, it was time to leave. We checked out; I paid the bill. We took a taxi to the airport; I paid. Once there, he asked me to wait a moment whilst he went to the ATM. Hold on a second… why did he not think of that when we landed?! Ah yes, it was because he didn’t want to pay for anything. He came back and told me that his bank had put a block on his account so he was unable to get any money. He continued to say that despite him being in Germany for so long, it was a regular occurrence.  Bearing in mind he had to get to Grafenwoehr from Munich so needed to get a train ticket, he had no money. I just gave him the money for his ticket and he acted like he felt bad about it. Knowing he was just pulling a fast one, he knew I wouldn’t leave him with no money to get back to the barracks. He got his ticket and we parted.

I enjoyed the flight as I was going away from him. Sipping champagne, I was free. It felt great.

(*Not his real name)

Our First And Second Shopping Trip To The Mall Together

During our time together in the States whilst meeting some of his family, *Steve had said he wanted to buy some clothes because he didn’t really have much, as he was pretty much in uniform most of the time. He asked me to go with him. I said I was happy to as I didn’t have anything else to do. Besides, I thought it would be a nice day out.

He drove us to the mall and we ended up in a department store. Grabbing t-shirts, jeans, sweaters to include hooded ones, we made our way to the fitting rooms whereby he tried the garments on, showing me and asking me for my approval in the process. I didn’t mind helping him to pick out clothes. There’s no harm in that. Anyway, Steve ended up with a stack of clothes – literally a whole closet full! He decided he liked everything he’d tried on, so we took them to the checkout. We stood in line and waited…

When his turn came and the cashier had put all the items into bag, she stated the amount and Steve just stood there not moving. I thought maybe he didn’t hear her as he’s deep in thought or something. But guess what? He heard all right. He left me to pay for his clothes! As I embarrass easily and the cashier had already bagged everything, I didn’t know what else to do apart from to pay. There was a line of customers behind us – I didn’t want to feel the shame. I couldn’t believe it though. I wouldn’t dream of doing this to someone. If they offered, that would be different, but at the same time, so early in a relationship, I would be inclined to decline the offer. Not that I had offered anyway. But not Steve.

A few days later, my belt broke, so I needed to get a new one. Plus, I wanted to get  a pair of toner trainers/sneakers as I walk a lot. So we went to a different store. I picked up a belt; and so did he. I picked up a pair of toners; and so did he. Both my items were in the sale so I got a right bargain! His toners had a small amount of money off but his belt was full price. We made our way to the checkout. I noticed he was falling back a little so I could go in front of him. I put my items on the conveyor belt. He did the same, and pushed his items to mine. I thought “bless, he must feel bad from the last shopping trip so he’s going to purchase my items too”. The items were rung up and the amount was stated. There was a pause… Steve turned the other way. He’d done it again by leaving me to pay! I was really shocked and annoyed now. How could he do this? Is that all I was to him? A walking wallet/purse? He had no shame then and still has no shame now. And yes, I was paying for all our food and hotels – not to mention fuel/gas (which wasn’t in the original agreement).

Needless to say, we never went shopping together again for a long, long time.

*(Not his real name)