Meeting His Eldest Sister, Her Husband And Their Daughters

(This picture was taken on Christmas Day at Anna’s House).

We checked into a hotel not far from *Anna’s house. I was really pleased the room didn’t have a mini-bar (for obvious reasons)! *Steve’s father and step-mother had already arrived and was unpacking in their room. When we got to ours, he felt the need to apologise again, and to ask for me not to say anything to his family. I agreed as I just wanted the terrible experience to just go away.

His sister showed up at the hotel to meet me. I was panicking. I wanted the moment to be just right. Didn’t want to give off the wrong impression, so in refused to see her and wanted to wait until we were due to visit her the next day. I wasn’t dressed how I wanted to look, nor was my hair perfect due to the 12 hour drive. I kept thinking “first impressions lasts”. Besides, was exhausted. After what had happened, I really was in no mood to meet anyone. But I had no choice. Laughing, Steve told me I had to meet her. I quickly put on a little make-up, combed my hair, then nervously went to meet her.

I liked her instantly. She had gorgeous eyes and a lovely smile – Anna was simply beautiful. She welcomed me with open arms. What more could I ask for? Once again, I was content with being there. I suppose I was being silly for being so nervous initially. I didn’t get the feeling that any of it was fake. I was, well, quite frankly…happy. His family members I’d met so far actually like me!

The next day, we were set to go to Anna’s house and boy, was I excited. When we got there, I noticed Steve acting a bit weird. I couldn’t understand why. I just continued to enjoy myself around his father, step-mother, sister, her husband and two daughters. Suddenly, Steve came up to me saying he was ready to go so we had to leave. I was baffled to say the least. Abruptly, we left, but I was not happy about it. In the car he started to complain about his father asking me whether or not I noticed that his father made him the butt of all jokes. To be honest, I hadn’t. I didn’t know what he was talking about and I told him so. Why was he behaving like this? He had said he wanted me to meet his family and that’s exactly what I was doing.

Christmas Day came and we spent the day at Anna’s house. Her daughters were so cute! I enjoyed being around them. Her husband was helpful and great with the girls. I even met his mother and step-father. Dinner was delicious and I felt like I never wanted to leave. When we did, once again, before I was ready, Steve started to complain about his father again and this time, threw his mother in the mix. I knew he and his mother had a virtually non existent relationship (this point will come up again later on regarding a comment he made on Facebook, saying I was the one who turned him against his mother when I didn’t), but I thought with me there and it being Christmas, he would have made more of an effort. It wasn’t meant to be. We left and he complained about his mother the entire journey back to the hotel. I kept thinking… “Was it me or was there something wrong with this picture?” He had nothing good to say about any member of his family so far. My family is far from perfect, but this was something else…

We got to the hotel room and there was non stop complaining about his mother and about how much she was responsible for the family not getting on, not to mention the destruction she had caused within the family. It was sad to listen to. I wasn’t about to choose sides as this was not my battle. I did not want to get involved. I just thought, if I go to sleep, this nightmare will hopefully be over by the morning. But no. His mother wanted to take us somewhere for breakfast but I was no mood because of all the complaining I had to endure, and Steve didn’t want to go, because she was his mother whom he didn’t like. I just wanted to go home. I didn’t like that fact that Steve swore in front of his parents let alone at them. I’d had enough. I had already made up my mind I was leaving him when I would eventually make it back to the UK. I’d think of something. Until then, I’d have to go along with it so he wouldn’t be suspicious.

(*Not their real names).

The Journey To Meet His Mother And Sister For The First Time

It was time to make our way to his sister’s house on December 22nd. It would take approximately 12 hours to drive there. *Steve’s father and step-mother had already started making their way the day before, as they wanted to stop over night somewhere to break the driving up over two days. I paid for the hotel – to include the days we were going to be absent, so we had the same room to come back to, and so we didn’t have to bring all our luggage with us.

It was a long journey. Tensions started to build and Steve was getting frustrated with having to drive all the time. Being from the UK, I wasn’t comfortable driving out in the US as they drive on the wrong side of the road! He started to become more frustrated with the journey. We disagreed on something to trivial, I can’t even remember what it was about. Rather than argue back with him, I decided not to respond and just to stay silent, hoping this would resolve the problem. It didn’t. In fact, he started to yell, getting more and more agitated telling me I had better start talking to him because he didn’t like the silence. I still refused. Why should I participate in a shouting match when I didn’t want to? I couldn’t understand why there was an argument in the first place.

Steve got so annoyed with me, that he pulled up in the middle of nowhere. By this point it was pitch black and there was no one around. I really thought I was about to meet my maker! He got out of the vehicle and started to pace up and down. Upon getting back in he told me to start talking to him because the silence was driving him mad. I spoke, but only to say I had nothing to say to him, and that I did not want to argue. He said he would stop as long as I talked to him. So, he got back in to the car and another conversation started. It was going well, but yet another argument broke out and this time, as he was driving,  he demanded I hand back the ring and the necklace he had given me just the day before. I couldn’t believe it! I gave them back to him. At this point, I felt he had ruined the trip anyway. I went silent again. I could not be bothered with the yelling nor the mood he was in. Rather than stop the car like he did earlier, he continued to drive and yell, then suddenly threw the ring and necklace at me (they were in a little fabric bag that came with the necklace). It ended up hitting me in the eye. I started to cry.

He said he was sorry, but told me it was all my fault because he didn’t like the silent treatment I was giving him. I just wanted to get the hell away from him. But I couldn’t. I was stuck. This time round I started to argue back because I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Steve decided to pull up outside a random hotel. He demanded I get out of the car. As I got out, he had already scrambled out and was stood behind the vehicle by the trunk. It all happened so fast. I heard a thud on the ground… he had thrown my suitcase as far as he could on the driveway of the hotel. Then he walked around to me and slapped me around the face. I couldn’t believe it. My boyfriend of less than two months was treating me so badly and had struck me. I just cried. I still had eleven days left with him. His sister *Anna was expecting me as was his biological mother and step-father. What was I to do?

After a short time, I decided to grab my suitcase and check into a room. One can only assume he felt bad (or so it seemed), but he came running after me trying to get my case out of my hand. He apologised and swore he’d never struck a woman before and asked me not to mention it to his family because they wouldn’t agree with it, and would probably disown him. After much thought, I got back into the car where he continued to apologise. Handing me back the fabric bag which contained the ring and necklace, I just slipped it into my bag. There was no way I was going to wear them now. That was pretty much it for the rest of the journey. I didn’t have much to say to him after what I had experienced. He didn’t want me to tell his family what he had done, so the rest of the journey was pleasantly quiet.

(*Not their real names)

The Early Gifts From Him

We went to *Steve’s father and step-mother’s house December 21st as he wanted to see if something he had ordered online had arrived. It had. A gift for me! It was a silver chain with a heart-shaped pendant, that housed a black pearl in the centre. I didn’t like it, but did not say so. We had already had a discussion about what type of jewellery I liked; I preferred yellow gold to silver, platinum or white gold and had told him so. I didn’t want to come across as ungrateful, so I accepted the gift. He looked so pleased with himself as I opened it, and said the pendant represented his arms around me. He proceeded to tell me it cost $100.00. I have no idea why. It wasn’t until nearly two years later I would find out it had actually cost $49.00.Why lie?

It didn’t stop there. Steve also presented me with a silver ring. It was apparently, my engagement ring with cubic zirconia “stones”. Again, we had had a discussion about the type of ring I would prefer to which I had said yellow gold, solitaire. Was it me, or was he asking me these questions just so he could do the complete opposite? I disliked it – especially as he had told me that he was engaged before to a Latino girl, whom he had been with for three years, but had only seen once (yes, once!), and her ring had three stones too. He’d gotten her ring hand made in Canada for $800.00. As he says the story goes, she’d been cheating on him and left him standing at the airport three times after purchasing tickets for her and she never showed. I was to find out later that by the time he had proposed to me, aged just 23 he was on his fifth engagement (one of which was to a man he’d met online but hadn’t actually met in person, and would ultimately deny). Each woman who had received a ring, had gotten a three stone setting.

Anyway, Steve told me he had spent a long time trying to pick out the right ring for me, and once again felt he had the need to tell me how much it cost him. €250.00 in Germany. He also added that he would replace the cubic zirconia stones with a real diamond each year for three years. It never happened. Not even one. No attempts had been made either. When the relationship was over, I had the ring checked out. It was worth approximately $20.00/£14.00 – if that…

It wasn’t the cost of the items that bothered me because I really didn’t care (and still don’t!), it’s the lies. There was no need for them. My ex-husband had spoilt me; Gucci bags with matching purses, expensive footwear, perfumes, expensive meals, cocktail bars and holidays all over the world. So when Steve said he was just a “lowly, humble soldier”, I told him I was not after financial or material gain from him. It was the truth. I wasn’t. I had a job I loved, so was independent. He seemed to have forgotten that it was he who chased me.

(*Not his real name).

Meeting The Soon-To-Be In-Laws

(This picture was taken less than two months after we started dating. By this point, *Steve had already proposed to me just four weeks after we got together. We were having a meal in Applebee’s with his father and step-mother).

Upon receiving a message to get on Skype, Steve and I started talking, and the trip to go see his family came up. I started thinking “Here we go again… no doubt I’m going to have to pay for this too”. As we spoke, Steve told me that he had sent me an email. Wondering what he was talking about, I logged on and saw the email. To my surprise, Steve had actually purchased return tickets, Atlanta to Germany for both of us! Wow, I was in shock. This is the guy who didn’t pay for anything. The tickets were booked from December 19th – 30th. Excited, he continued to say how he would pay for the car hire so I should pay for the hotels and food. I agreed. It was the first time we were both putting our hands in our pockets. I did however, have to get to Germany first! So,I booked my own return tickets to Munich, Germany and hotels from December 17th- 19th. Then again from December 30th – January 2nd.

Just 5 days after returning from the Military Ball, I found myself back at the airport on December 17th. There was an unfortunate turn of events. It started snowing. All fights were slowly being cancelled. Still, I had hope that I would make it on at least the last flight to Germany that night. But it wasn’t to be. I had to sleep on the airport floor. It was chaos. I called the hotel to let them know that I would not be arriving that night, but gave Steve’s name so he could stay in the room booked under my name. Staff at the hotel were very accommodating and agreed that he could stay there without me, but he would have to leave a credit/debit card on reception. I called him to let him know. I was expecting him to tell me to have a safe journey and that he would see me the next day, but instead, he said he would sleep at the airport. I told him not to be so silly. Just go to the hotel and relax. Besides, it the room had already been paid for.

I actually slept in a queue, and managed to get on the only flight that left for Germany bright and early the next morning. Passengers had called in to say they couldn’t make it to the airport. I got lucky. I was flying to the US the next day, so was panicking because I didn’t think I would make my Atlanta flight. I made it. I got to Munich, got a taxi and made my way to the hotel. I could breathe at last… Or so I thought. The room was a mess when I arrived. Steve had wiped out the mini-bar and was hung over. There were bottles everywhere. I wasn’t impressed, as all I wanted to do was have a shower and sleep for a while.

I wasn’t in the room 10 minutes when Steve started to complain about the fact that he had to pay €25.00 for the taxi from the airport. I explained to him that I had to do the same, and also realised that was the reason he wanted to stay at the airport to wait for me. He wanted me to pay. He hadn’t eaten either, no doubt because I wasn’t there to pay. I paid for all our meals that day. Just like I paid for the mini-bar tab that I did not have the pleasure of enjoying because I had to make do with the airport floor. He smiled and told me that he had no money in the account linked to the debit card he’d left at reception upon checking in, which tells me he had no intention of paying for what he had used. Anyway, I didn’t want anything to ruin our trip, so it was just left at that.

We took a taxi to the airport the next day, which cost €25.00. I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, I paid.

Once we arrived in Atlanta, we went to get a hire car. Steve actually did pay for it. Another surprise. I mean I know he said he would, but it was pretty hard to believe him at this point. We were ready to have a great time!

I met his father and step-mother first. They were lovely. Welcoming me into their home, they made me dinner and told me to relax as their home was my home. I felt a bit awkward at first because I didn’t know them and I didn’t want to give them a reason to dislike me. But I never felt that. When it was time to go back to the hotel, I wasn’t ready. I was really enjoying the chats we were having. His step-mother loved animals just like I did (and still do) and we agreed on quite an number of political issues. It was perfect.

In a few days, we would be on a road trip to his sister’s home. I was nervous, but happy. At last.

(*not his real name)

How We Met And The Military Ball

I had an account on a site called MyYearBook.com (now MeetMe.com), where I used to play games that had been transferred from Facebook. Randomly, on September 25th 2010, he requested me as a friend so I accepted. I had decided not to accept anyone under the age of 30; I was 34; he was 22, just shy of his 23rd birthday. Somehow, this one seemed different. He had “dead eyes” and told me how he was alone and that his heart had been broken a year earlier. He also had a daughter that he missed dearly but could not see, due to being enlisted in the Army. I felt sorry for him, but liked his openness in our conversations. He was more than willing to tell me everything, or so it seemed. Contrary to what he told people, which was that he met me in a bar in Germany and smacked my butt(!), it is definitely not how we met. He was a US soldier, stationed in Germany and chased me for little over a month online. During this period, we would Skype and email – a lot.

One day, during a conversation, I told him I needed a break from London and my usual environment. He suggested I kill two birds with one stone – go to Germany to get away and to see him. After much thought, I decided why not? We would meet in public that way I wouldn’t be at risk. So, I agreed. I made sure I paid for the hotel, flights and cab myself, in case we didn’t like each other, he wouldn’t be able to tell me he paid for this and that. I even paid for all our drinks and food without even realising he hadn’t put his hand in his pockets once. It was a lovely long weekend. Just what I needed. We met for the first time on October 29th 2010. We got on well so agreed to date.

Within a few days of returning to London on November 1st, during a conversation on Skype, he invited me to go see him for Thanks Giving (even though it isn’t something I celebrate as I am British), the Military Christmas Ball and to go see his family in Tennessee – all before the end of the year and it was the beginning of November! I told him I couldn’t afford all 3 trips as I’d just gotten back from seeing him a few days ago. He said it was OK and that he would pay for my flights and the hotel for me to attend the Military ball. I was over the moon!

Well, it didn’t go quite as planned… I paid for the Thanks Giving trip in full (November 25th – 28th), to include all meals and drinks for both of us. Not once did he offer. We’d go to restaurants and he’d order steak each time. He’d order non-stop at the bars and I had to pick up the tabs to save myself embarrassment. He even had the audacity to say to me that when we met up for the long weekend at the end of October, he felt bad as he didn’t pay for anything. I was glad he had pointed it out, not I, as so early in a relationship, the topic of money is awkward, to say the least. But still, he did not make an effort to pay for anything. I felt I should wait to see what happens as there were two more trips coming up. The Military Ball and Tennessee. There was also a distraction. Even though he had not presented a ring, he proposed to me just four weeks after we met. In the snow, on one knee, in front of a Gothic Church, in Germany. It was a beautiful night.

Having purchased my new dress for the Ball, I waited for him to email the itinerary to me. It did not come. Instead, he asked me to put it on my credit card and told me he would pay me back. Not wanting to put a damper on anything, and armed with the knowledge that he was working so he’d pay me back as he told me he would, I put the hotel and my flights on my credit card (December 9th – 12th). With the booking in my name and my card details at the front desk, he drank everything out of the mini-bar. Once refilled, he did the same again. We ate, I paid. We drank, I paid. The same thing was happening again for the third time! We even went to McDonald’s for breakfast one morning, whereby I just wanted a coffee, but he wanted breakfast. There were two queues – one for food; the other for drinks. I told him I’d queue for the coffees and he should queue for the food. He wanted me to queue for both, but I had already cottoned on to what he was trying to do. He wanted me to pay for his breakfast and the coffees. In the end, I refused and he spent 3 euros of his own money on three cheeseburgers. If I had paid, his order would have been way bigger than that!

The Ball itself was a wonderful experience. He showed me off like I was some sort of trophy which I was uncomfortable with. His colleagues seemed impressed that he was actually in a relationship, as well as surprised that we were together. I was asked what I was doing with him! He paid for the photos, which I must admit, came as a surprise, as he hadn’t paid for anything up to this point. I paid for the drinks all night. I was sad when the night came to an end. I really had a lovely time. The long weekend ended much to soon.

Three things bothered me at the end of the trip though. Firstly, some money (euros) I had brought with me went missing. I ask him whether or not he had taken it, he said he hadn’t. Secondly, he left me to pay the mini-bar bill. Thirdly, he still hadn’t paid me back to clear my credit card like he said he would…