In the early hours of Friday morning, I suffered from Sleep Paralysis, also know as Night Terrors.
It was just awful.
I haven’t had one of these for quite some time – in fact not since last year.
Suffering from what can be considered as terrible nightmares (which is putting it mildly), I have been dealing with them since I was eighteen. Sometimes they are frequent; sometimes not. There is no cure. I’ve been told by doctors not to sleep on my back, and to ensure a light is on. I was not on my back when I came out of it, and a light was on.
I have no idea why they started in the first place, but I know this… it looks and feels real. It’s as if I have my eyes open and am looking at the bastard trying to strangle the shit out of me, only I never get to see the face. Ever. It’s normally that of a ‘shadow’ with a long black cape, and a big rimmed black hat. No features, just really strong hands. Although slim, deceptively heavy, pinning me down with it’s weight, whilst it’s hands are at work around my throat.
During my time living with *Steve in the US, I didn’t experience the usual ‘shadow’ in my Sleep Paralysis state, that I would eventually awake from, to find that I didn’t have any bruises and that it didn’t hurt to swallow my saliva, etc. No – I experienced the actual ‘shadow’… for he was my living Day and Night Terror.
I guess the one positive point I can pull out of this shitty situation, is that years of this crap, gave me enough practice to fight my (ex) husband off of me when it was he who was trying to kill me. That’s it.
Blog of a Mad Black Woman 