I just left Church after attending Mass, and realised snow is finally here in London, although it is not settling – yet. My Little Yum-Yum will be very pleased when I collect him from preschool, as he has been asking me to “make it snow” so he can make a snowman. Although I am not a fan of snow myself, it is beautiful, and am grateful for anything that does or will put a smile on my son’s face.
Stay warm everyone. ❤
I cannot believe this blog has been going for three years (6th January).
It has been a major part of my Healing Journey, and without it (and my son), I wouldn’t have come as far as I have.
My WP Family have been amazing. Thank you all for your support. I really appreciate it. ❤
I was reminded of this post on Facebook this morning. On this day, three years ago I wrote:
Sorry, this is a long but meaningful post…
A year ago today, the exact time (Eastern Time), stood in Aldi with just the clothes on my back (to include broken footwear) with my 5 day old son, to do some Christmas food shopping. I had $11 (approximately £8) in total. There was no Christmas Tree. No presents. No food. Just a small, cramped, draughty, mould infested room that we were due to get kicked out of 4 days before Christmas if rent money wasn’t found.
Just the day before, I was handed 2 cannisters of formula from a paediatrician for free because she could see the state I was in. I couldn’t say anything because I was so ashamed that I was put in such a situation by someone else. I suppose as a mother herself, she could sense something was wrong. I cried. Max had food for at least 2 weeks. Bearing in mind just a day earlier at just 3 days old, my son had run out of formula Wellstar Kennestone Hospital had kindly given me, knowing I was in need.
I found a way to get formula. Thank God for Babies “R” Us taking international payments online, otherwise Max would have gone hungry as I didn’t have my credit card on me. I’d spoken to my mother a few months earlier who gave me my credit card details to write down in case of an emergency. I refused to tell her, the rest of my family and my friends what was going on.
All this suffering and pain caused by Max’s father because he’s selfish and only thought about himself. Cigars, cigarettes and junk food for him were more important than making sure his son was fed, and had a roof over his head – despite the amount of money we initially had. It was all gone due to his reckless spending. His behaviour was shabby to say the least. That’s putting it mildly. This is just a “taste” of what I experienced out in the US with him. I walked away from him and have never looked back.
However, I have forgiven him – not just because God says I have to, but so I can find peace within myself. I don’t want Max growing up seeing me bitter and twisted. I will never forget though. Ever.
This year Max is so spoilt! No where near going hungry or homeless because of an irresponsible father. In fact, he has a Christmas Tree, food in abundance, no mould and Christmas will be celebrated as I know it. The roof is permanent for as long as I need/want it.
I only want 2 presents this year and I already have them. 1) My son Maximus and 2) the knowledge that he will never remember the poverty he was unnecessarily born into. The cost? Priceless. The best things in life are free.
If I don’t get a chance to post a status closer to Christmas, have a blessed one all. Sending love from Max and I.♡X♡X
As time has gone by, even though I am not where I thought I would be, I look back and realise things could be a lot worse. Just like they were back then.
I am thankful I am no longer in such a situation, but more so, I am thankful that my little boy does not know the poverty he was unnecessarily born into, by the actions of someone who should have known better. Someone who was supposed to make sure he was provided for, rather than just thinking about himself. I cannot fathom how someone could/can behave in such a way, and think it’s OK.
Well, it is not OK. But fortunately, my son knows he can rely on at least one person… me, his mother.
Hi All,
I hope all is well.
Please don’t think I’m ignoring you – I have no Internet access! I’ve just managed to send this… Please bear with me!
Much love. ❤
On June 2nd, I was invited to carry the baton of the “Writing Process Blog Tour” by Chris Wilson at Let Me Tell You A Story. Thank you so much. It will be a pleasure to not only carry it, but to pass it on. Chris is a short story and article writer. Why not stop by and take a look?
The questions I’ve been asked are as follows:
1) What am I working on?
Real life Domestic Abuse events (financial, emotional and mental, verbal, physical and more), which were inflicted upon me by my toddler son’s father – my husband. From leaving the UK to relocate to be with him, a then, US soldier, who’s career I went on to save as he was going to be kicked out of the army, to having to return to the UK with my then twelve week old son to get away from him.
2) How does my work differ from others of it’s genre?
I guess writing about Domestic Abuse isn’t so different from others who write about it too, however this is my story, my experiences. Painful, traumatic events. which open wounds which haven’t even had time to heal, wider than ever before as I explain this chapter in my life.
3) Why do I write what I do?
My aim is to let those who are suffering, and to scared to reach out, know that they are not alone. There is hope and they shouldn’t suffer in silence. Once a partner behaves in such a manner, things will never change. It doesn’t matter what type of abuse it is – abuse is abuse. I almost didn’t make it out alive, but for the fact I was pregnant, therefore, had to fight for my unborn, then later on, born son. It is imperative that abusive relationships are not given chance after chance as things will not end well. Also, if children are involved, like in my situation, it really is not a good idea to have children grow up in this environment, for they too, will grow up thinking this sort of behaviour is normal, and continue the cycle of abuse.
If my blog manages to save one person, it’s better than not saving any at all.
It is also a healing process for me.
4) How does my writing process work?
I write from the heart. My blog isn’t about trying to write professionally, it’s purely about getting my experiences across to those who need it, and to those who want to know more about the early warning signs. I don’t write anything down before hand. I just grab my laptop and start typing. Everything is stored in my head, and many events still feel like they happened just yesterday, even though I got away from my abuser almost fifteen months ago (and counting).
I will be passing the baton onto the following two bloggers:
Both have been there for me, and have been a pillar of strength (as well as others), for which I truly am grateful for. Whether you have been in an abusive relationship or not, I think you will find that both blogs are worth following. They may help you to save a life one day.
Much love. ❤
Blog of a Mad Black Woman 