I cannot even imagine what these poor souls went through.
It’s not a story most people know about today, but it’s an important reminder of just how destructive an upper class with an unchecked sense of entitlement can be, and how vital it remains to safeguard the interests of those who can’t do so for themselves.
by Jesse Bering
Click here for full article.
This hit home for me. What with being darked skinned, it was hard to see the bruises. Strangulation was something my abusive ex-husband would do to me on a regular basis – in front of our new born son – to the point it hurt to swallow my saliva, and there were clicking noises in my neck.
“Other recognizable symptoms of strangulation can include changes in one’s voice, neck pain, difficulty swallowing or breathing, ear pain, vomiting blood, vision change, tongue swelling, bloodshot eyes, lightheadedness or, in the case of pregnant victims, miscarriage.” ~ Ravenstormsblog
The power of controlling a victim’s next breath makes strangulation a frequent tactic for abusers. It can take less than 10 seconds for a person to lose consciousness as a result of strangulation, and death can occur in just under five minutes.
According to the Training Institute on Strangulation Prevention, nearly four in five victims of strangulation are strangled manually (with hands). And almost all, or 97 percent of strangulation attempts, also involve blunt force trauma.
The injury from strangulation cuts deeper, however, to include psychological injury (PTSD, depression, suicidal ideation, memory problems, nightmares, anxiety, severe stress reaction, amnesia and psychosis), neurological injury (facial or eyelid droop, left or right side weakness, loss of sensation, loss of memory and paralysis) and even delayed fatality.
What You Can and Can’t See
For those in the survivor’s support circle, spotting strangulation is not easy. Neck lesions are not always present. But, other…
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Recently, I’ve been thinking about all the pain and suffering (my son and) I endured from my relationship with my abusive ex-husband.
Physically. Emotionally. Financially. Mentally. Verbally. Sexually.
Lies. Manipulation. Blame shifting. Gas lighting. Isolation. Control. Threats.
The murders of my kittens/cats.
This weekend will be three years ago that I returned to the UK with my son, with his father’s permission. He had said he would follow, (I needed to get a job and somewhere for us to live), as he liked the idea of not paying for medical. He also said, it would mean he could get ‘lost’ in the UK, so he would not have to pay child support to his daughter in Montana. I hoped and prayed he would not follow, but deep down, knew he wouldn’t. Ultimately, it was down to him to decide for himself. Thank God, he didn’t. As well as the abuse, his mask had fallen off, and I had already called him out on a number of things.
On March 12th 2013, with our then twelve week old son, my abusive ex-husband drove us to the airport, with a one way ticket (upon his suggestion) to the UK. Apart from the birth of my son, during our entire relationship, this would be the best day ever. I landed in the UK the next day on March 13th, due to the time difference.
On May 26th 2013, I returned to the US for just shy of a week, without my son, as his father had left our bank accounts negative, and there was no money for food nor accommodation. I could not risk sleeping on the street with my baby, so followed my gut instincts and went alone. He had made sure his girlfriend had moved into the extended stay where we were living on May 25th – the day before my arrival. It was about a week prior to my return to try to collect as many of my belongings as possible, that a friend came through for me. I was able to have a roof over my head and was fed and watered for free. I boarded my flight on May 31st, and landed back in the UK on June 1st 2013.
Instead of leaving money in the bank accounts as we has agreed (my intention was to bring our son with me so his father could see him, which my ex-husband was fully aware of), he went on a spending spree with his girlfriend, leaving nothing for his children. He told me that I had a cheek for not letting him have a life, when all I did, was to ask him for some financial help with our son. He furthered his point, by telling me that he will no longer be taken advantage of.
Despite everything, I had still tried to make this individual a part of his son’s life, but he was not interested. This was even when I was undecided, as to whether or not I was doing the right thing. This individual is abusive, and shouted in his then ten week old son’s face, because our son probably had an upset tummy. The crying was keeping him awake you see, so a character like my ex-husband, would of course, blame anyone for his horrendous behaviour – except himself. Even a defenceless baby. However, if he had wanted to communicate with his son via Skype (for example), I would not have had a problem with that. In fact, I had tried this, but he was still not interested.
One cannot force another to do the right thing.
So, what did I do about the situation? I dragged myself up, dusted myself off as best as I could, and through tears, sweat, blood, pain, and with scars and bruises, I shifted from being an abused first time mother, to a mother and father standing firm for the sake of my son. My little boy has gone from strength to strength. He is a happy, but feisty character! Thriving in his pre-school, he is picking up Spanish well, but thinks he can ‘back chat’ me, thinking I will not understand. (Well played my Little Yum Yum, but rest assured, I am learning the language too!).
Although is is always nice for a child/children to have both parents, sometimes, one parent may not take an interest, or may not want to be a part of their life/lives. It is the other parent’s loss, not the child’s. Sometimes, it works in the child’s favour not being around the other parent, as he or she is abusive. Hopefully, this allows for the domestic abuse cycle to be broken.
I started this blog to embark on my healing journey. When I look back on some of the posts, I can see that I was a real amateur! Not that I am saying I am now a professional writer now, I am just trying to say at the time, I was not able to express myself properly nor in detail. I would ‘water down’ what I was writing about, because it was too painful at the time to relive. But I am sure, one can make out what I was trying to say at the time, when I was suffering immensely, trying to put what was in my head in text format.
Thank you all for following my blog and reading my posts – as random as they can be at times! Please allow me to apologise again, for not being able to keep up with your posts recently. I have had a lot on my mind, and have been trying to do too much at once. On the upside, I have finally gotten rid of the cold/acute sinusitis I had for little over eight weeks.
I hope all is well for you folks.
Much love. ❤
Blog of a Mad Black Woman 