It had gone way past the point that I even wanted *Steve to touch me. He made my skin crawl. Although four months pregnant with our child, I knew in my heart from June 1st 2012 our relationship was over; he’d put me through too much. In fact, I told him to his face, but he said he wasn’t letting me go. He also wished me luck in trying to get away from him. It would take another nine and a half months before I actually did.
I had not physically slept with him since May. I mean, we slept in the same bed, but I always turned my back to him. I hated looking at him. He made my life hell and I was sick of it. I was sick of him and his bullshit. On July 12th 2012, during my pregnancy, he raped me.
The conversation goes as follows:
Me: And do you not remember me saying straight after that you had raped me because I said no?
Steve: Persia of course I remember so can we please move on to Max?
Me: So how could you not hear “no”? I know you did because you said you didn’t think I actually meant no afterwards. I told you I felt dirty as you had just raped me. Do you remember that?
Me: Then we’ll talk about Max, Just need to clear this up. Thanks.
Steve: Yup I remember and remember this you are the controlling one
Me: No, you’re the controlling one. You think I am but you know it’s you. Even *Dawn warned me that you are controlling. You raped me whilst pregnant with your son. You just admitted it. So how are you not controlling?
Me: I suppose you’re still not going to apologise for it?
Steve: I did at the time, after it happened
Me: Despite me telling you how you left me feeling dirty and low
I was having physiotherapy at the time. The reports show I was improving until this point, whereby all progress made took a turn for the worst.
What makes him think this was OK? I’m not his property. No means no, regardless of being married or not… and I clearly said “No”.
(*Not their real names. Dawn is his daughter’s mother, who also left him whilst she was pregnant due to his behaviour. See “Our Trip To See His Daughter In Montana“).
Blog of a Mad Black Woman 
Persia,
I am going to try to keep my comment as positive as possible, because my goal is not to stir up trouble. However, these incidents that have happened with you and someone coming to your blog claiming to be a friend of his and attempting to yell over you and talk and bully you in into silence is a risk that all of us bear when we speak out.
It would behoove everyone coming to YOUR blog that YOU write about YOUR experiences with abuse to keep in mind the idea of respecting YOUR RIGHT to come forward and SHARE YOUR STORY with others who are looking for support from THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH ABUSE AS WELL. Do they have to like what you say? Do they have to agree with what you say? Do they even have to believe what you say? Ready for the answer?
NO! This blog was started by YOU for the purpose of telling YOUR STORY in YOUR WORDS as the events HAPPENED TO and AFFECTED ….. wait for it…. wait for it…… YOU. As in Persia. No little Raymond down the street. Not Tina or Jessica or Bob, Jeanine, Keiko, Yvette, Sam, Bill, James, or even Melinda.
Respect comes into play by bearing responsibility for the fact that readers are the ones who make THE CHOICES to come here and read your posts. No one has been forced. No has been persuaded, bullied, or manipulated. As such, when one makes this choice, the burden for HOW THEY RESPOND to the posts here lies on their shoulders, and only theirs. If they misread, they do not reserve the right to attack you and accuse you for the way THEY reacted to what YOU wrote. If you explain what you meant, they DO NOT have just cause to act like you wrote these words with invisible ink and pretend they didn’t read them and continue on yelling and carrying on thinking that this is going to win over anyone or cause anyone to want to listen to what they have to say.
Respect comes into play by choosing to act with dignity afforded to them and to you and send a private message raising exception to something or seeking clarification to what you said that caused offense. It is not lighting the comments section up with hateful, accusatory speech.
Respect comes into play by instead of trying their hardest not to demean or belittle YOU or call you a liar for what you write simply because they didn’t see it happen. Instead if they felt so obligated to speak up and say anything in dissension, maybe they could simply apologize and say they didn’t know this person to be like this.
Respect comes into play knowing how to treat others kindly even in the face of shock, hurt, anger, disagreement, or regret INSTEAD OF BEING SOMEONE SPEAKING ABUSIVELY and perpetuating further emotional and / verbal abuse against you AND the readers who come here.
Respect comes into play to keep in mind that if after reading this and you really can’t think of anything positive to say, close the blog and search for greener pastures to graze in.
As these options were not duly acted upon, it leads me to believe that there is a very deliberate reason for these comments to suddenly appear on your blog now bearing in mind recent events. I quite tend to think of insidious plots enacted to try to make you look like a crazy liar bent on catering to a spiteful spirit.
If the intent was to defame, slander, and malign you, this was achieved. If the intent was to draw my support and trust away from you, someone is about to be disappointed. I do not believe you any less. I do not support you any less. I do not think of you any less. In fact, this has had quite the opposite impact on me.
Here is why. Someone who is being honest does not need to be so angsty to give themselves credibility. Someone who genuinely understands the pain and suffering of the abuse you suffered would not act in a manner to cause you more. Your words, actions, and support toward others speaks volumes.
Your stories are YOURS to share, and no one can take that from you. NO ONE. You share, and I willingly listen. And even in all your suffering, I know you to be kind and compassionate to others. Yes, you do this consistently even when you are going through your own turmoil emotionally.
I believe it may be quite possible that this may happen to you more here. Smear campaigns are desperate acts to try to make the survivor look like she (or he in some cases) is the broken one. It singularly fails, however, because all who participate become complicit by choice in everything that happens to you. It’s called blood guilt.
In the future, if you choose to keep the comments up (which I actually suggest because it is written documentation of harassment should things deteriorate), and if you respond to them, do not get drawn into pointless arguments with them. This only fuels their resolve.
You are strong. You are brave. You are beautiful. Let you stories speak for themselves.